How I’m feeling…

I woke up on the right side of the right side of my bed.

Entry #0000006

For a long time, I’ve reached out for contentment but my fingers are only long enough to touch it, not hold it. When I woke up today, it was firmly nestled in my palms.

I let out the song caressing the insides of my cheek. My voice is loud and crooked; there is a cough in my throat like I have swallowed dust that has refused to follow the normal digestion process. But that’s okay.

It’s okay because today I feel a lightness I have not felt in a long time. A lightness that alarms me. A lightness that began on Sunday when my little sister paid for my lunch and I overfed on fried chicken. A lightness bordering on a laxity that feels dangerous for my productivity.

I like it. My brain does not seem to remember my million needs. Today I appreciate my increasing slowness as my sit-ups count reaches 30 (I have to chant ‘no pain, no gain’ in my head to get to 50), the cold water that splashes on my face as I have my bath and most of all, the stillness that seems to have seeped into my bloodstream. Today, I feel a joy that has no reason.

Maybe I am a little behind schedule but it does not faze me like it used to when I could not bear to live a second outside my to-do list. I start to tick things off my list, content to start late than waste time bothering about the time I have lost. I have started to find meaning in things, in my experiences, in my actions. I want to live life slowly, savouring every moment.

I have stopped beating myself up when I fall short. Instead, I look myself in the mirror and tell myself all that I am not, the first of which is a failure. I press on like St. Paul, content to start over amidst deep, tired sighs but never with abrasive words from my own lips that dent my soul. I am learning to speak kindly to me.

Something is coming together, forming. Though I cannot see its form, I can feel it. It is tangible and it is cerainly more than a feeling, it is a condition. It is peace in its rawest form.

As the days go by, I will find better words to describe how His peace has found me in a way I have never experienced. I will properly dissect this feeling in a bid to understand what is this new condition of my soul and spirit.

But until then, I will bask in the silence of my deep breathes, how I do not feel the need to say so much anymore, how my heart sings and my face expresses its lyrics. And I will glory in Him who is the source of this new life that I have.

Shalom ♥🕊✨

2 responses to “How I’m feeling…”

  1. Lois avatar

    I love. Peace that passeth all understanding

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Subscribe to know when a new blog drops!

Other posts you’ll love:

The gospel of acquired taste

—23/05/24. What is your acquired taste? This is one of those mornings where I wake up with a burden …

How to worship God when you feel anxious.

If you have ever struggled to pray while getting tempted to get up and try again another day, then t…

Image of Maranatha, Christian author
Where to find a Christian Hedonist. 

Maranatha believes in savoring food over rapid consumption, a view Fems humorously brands 'Christian…